Issue #22: Squeezing In Solo Time With the Ones Who Matter Most

“Choose your own adventure” walks, neighborhood book club nights, and solo day trips!

Last month on Instagram we asked the moms in our community what they’d like to see more of from us. So many of you shared great ideas, and we have some fun posts in the works!

One suggestion that really stood out was how we make time for one-on-one moments with our kids - and what we actually do during them! We love this topic, and decided to expand on it to include fun date nights with our husbands and special friend dates as well.

We hope you enjoy this one! Happy dating :)

(And as always, feel free to leave a comment down below if there’s something you’d like to see more of. We love hearing from you!)

One-on-One Dates with Our Kids

Amelia: I’m a big fan of Dr. Laura Markham and her work through Aha! Parenting (now called Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids). I get her weekly newsletter and it’s one of the few I reliably read every time. She recently wrote an article called “Why You Need to Reconnect Daily” and it really stuck with me.

She writes about how everyday life (full of distractions, distance, and missed cues) can quietly wear down our connection with our kids (this can be applied to spouses too!). Even small conflicts or lapses in attunement create tiny cracks that need mending. Regularly tending to those little moments of disconnect is what keeps relationships strong.

With that in mind, I really try to make an effort to prioritize small touch points throughout the week. I need my love tank filled just as much as I know my kids do. As my kids get older, I’ve found that one-on-one car rides are often when they open up the most. My husband and I joke: when Spotify is off, their voices are on. I soak in that half hour drive home with my son after school. The details from his day are fresh in his mind and I love getting the chance to hear all about it. These seemingly small moments are what mend the cracks that naturally happen each day.

A new one-on-one hack I’ve been trying: special kid walks. The child picks the destination (recent favorites: the carousel, local bookshop, donut shop) + the conversation topic. On a recent walk, my daughter chose to get ice cream and wanted to hear all about middle school me! A sweet stroll and a fun trip down memory lane. (Liz: Copying this immediately!)

At bedtime, we’ve started a fun routine: I give each kid a three-minute foot rub with magnesium cream. It’s become a calming way to connect and unwind and something we all look forward to.

Liz: With three boys ages eight and under, and a husband who works long hours, finding one-on-one time can be tricky. But as Amelia mentioned being struck by what Dr. Markham shared, I’ve been inspired by Dr. Becky and her insight that “Spending time with your child when you are fully present is the most powerful way to build connection capital” as well as remembering that “There’s nothing more important than doing exactly what you’re doing right now” when you’re with them.

And as any mom of multiple children will attest to, it’s a heck of a lot easier to do this when you are one-on-one ha!

While knowing the power of one-on-one time with my kiddos is the ultimate motivator to making that time, and all the benefits they reap, I also thrive during these special individual moments. Without their brothers in tow, I can truly slow down and connect with each boy in our own unique way. It refuels me just as much as them. (Amelia: I feel this exact same way! I crave that special time too.)

We live in an adorable town and I’ll take any excuse to scoop up one of the boys for an impromptu bookstore stop or ice cream treat; it’s one of my favorite things to do. But it’s not always that intentional or “special”; oftentimes it’s my husband and I dividing and conquering. Daddy will take one boy to run errands and catch up and chat; I’ll hang with another around the house, or we’ll venture out for a little neighborhood walk together and comment on the sights. These little bursts of one-on-one time check the box and often happen without much planning, but keeping it in the back of my mind is essential to not letting too much time go by without those individual check-ins.

We used to read all together before bed but my husband and I recently have found it more enjoyable to spread out; one of us reading on the couch, another in another room, boys divided up among us. While for two of the boys this isn’t technically one-on-one, it still feels nice to spend time with them like this versus trying to read and settle down for the night with all three stacked on top of each other.

Dates with Girlfriends Near & Far

Amelia: I’ve always been a girls’ girl! Female friendships have filled my cup for as long as I can remember. There are truly so few things a good catch up with a close girlfriend can’t fix.

Though my childhood girlfriends are now spread out across the country, it’s always so special when we get to reconnect (in Savannah or Boston). There’s nothing like solo time with friends who’ve known you since you were a kid and being able to pick up right where you left off.

I also feel lucky to have close mom friends here in New England. A walk & talk is always a favorite way to squeeze in connection and steps, but I also love doing activities together. This spring, I took a floral arranging class with a few friends, and in the fall I had the best afternoon seeing &Juliet (highly recommend!) with two friends I’ve known since before we had kids. (Funny enough, I texted Liz that morning about starting a newsletter together!). I do my best to see at least one friend each week. Honestly, it’s what keeps me sane!

Liz and I also took a day trip to Portland, Maine this past September, and I’m hoping I can convince her to make it a tradition. We browsed shops, had sushi, and ended the day at an author talk at Back Cove Books. It was such a fun, simple day—and one I’ll always cherish, especially in the chaos of back-to-school season. (Liz: You don’t have to twist my arm on this one ;) I’ll happily and eagerly oblige!)

Liz: After living on the West Coast for years and having an incredibly small social community (thanks to being perpetually postpartum and Covid), I’ve really come to embrace my friendships more since moving back east. And the amazing moms that I’ve met over the recent years have made that even more possible, motivating, and downright fun.

I have several friends that I’ve known for years, many from college and my early 20s, but most don’t live near by. But we still make an intentional effort to plan get togethers throughout the year. These take top priority in our calendar - in fact, one of my best friends and her family are visiting next weekend for our annual summer bash! Six kids, four adults, endless swimming, little sleep, nonstop laughs… I can’t wait.

While my dearest friends may live all over, I’m beyond lucky to have made a solid group of friends here in our town, through our amazing neighborhood, the community, and through school and my boys’ friends. We have a neighborhood book club that I genuinely look forward to, and I’m trying to make an effort to reach out to newer friends and plan get togethers, drinks, dinner dates, and more. Maybe even try a fun class together?! My life is fuller and richer with these ladies in it and I’m excited to invest in them more in the coming years.

Partner Dates - Days & Nights

Amelia: Of course, I love a good date night (our go-to is Tallulah in Cambridge!), but I also really value the small touch points we make space for throughout the week. I’ve found we both show up better (for ourselves and everyone else) when we feel connected to each other first.

One of my favorite “dates” from the past year was during the first week of school. After the bus drop-off, we spent the majority of our morning together: starting with an early walk along the quiet Esplanade, brunch at Café Beatrice in Cambridge Crossing, and a slow stroll back to our neighborhood. It felt like the ultimate exhale in the chaos of September.

Another favorite time to be together is while our kids are at Sunday school during the school year. We usually walk the Chestnut Hill Reservoir with smoothies from Livite in hand or catch up over neighborhood brunch.

Friends of ours have a standing rock climbing date while their girls are at Sunday school (love that idea!).

Liz: Ahhh the infamous, cliche “date nights”. Pre-kids, my husband and I went out often but in recent years, it’s a rarity. I used to feel the pressure to make an evening out more regular - I know that time alone is important! I don’t deny it at all! - but it just doesn’t work well for us at this time. My husband typically works later into the evenings (west coast hours) and we tend to prefer cooking at home. But I’ve come to realize that we can do “date nights” our own way and to much success and more enjoyment for us both…

We just do it during the day and on weekends, in our own lazy, homebody way ;) (Amelia: I love this. You’ve got to make it work for you!)

We both work from home so we’re together… all the time. We often enjoy uninterrupted time making lunch together, or pouring our second cups of coffee before we each retreat to our own work areas. With kids at school or camp, it’s our time to slow down and connect, during a time of day that feels better to us. Sometimes we’ll escape for a little lunch date (our town deli or sushi are our go-to’s); more often than not, we’ll reheat leftovers and stand around our kitchen island. Either way, I love that we’re both home and have this available to us.

We also prioritize weekend nights together, post-bedtime. It may not sound like a big deal to others, but since my husband is usually working Monday-Thursday nights, spending our evenings together on the weekend is a nice treat… and it’s a perk/incentive to having a great early bedtime schedule for our kids ;)

While typical “date nights” happen from time to time and they may ebb and flow more as our boys get older, I love that we’ve prioritized time together that works for us, in our own non-stressful way.

Solo Dates With Me, Myself & I

Amelia: Since becoming a mom, I’ve come to love a low key solo lunch or solo date. I still remember those early postpartum outings—how surreal it felt to be out in the world while no one around me knew I had a tiny baby at home. I was just me again, even if only for an hour. It felt rare, but I cherished it.

These days, I try to make space for solo moments much more regularly, even if they’re spontaneous. One of my favorites this spring was a quiet morning in the Seaport while my husband and kids were at the F1 Arcade (the opposite of a quiet morning!). I wandered through the Stanley Whitney exhibit and got lost in the bold, color-soaked paintings. How High the Moon is the first retrospective tracing his 50-year evolution and I was thrilled to have had no place to be but there with the art. That’s my favorite part of solo dates: no rush, no snacks to hand out, no one else to manage. Just me.

I’ve also gotten really into browsing antique shops, it’s become a favorite solo activity, whether I’m home or traveling. It feels like a grown-up treasure hunt, and I almost always come home with a few fun gems for our space. (Liz: hmmm should we hit up Brimfield together!?)

When time is tight, I’ll squeeze in a solo lunch and browse my favorite neighborhood bookshop or enjoy a quiet dinner across the Public Garden. It’s my favorite thing to do when my husband’s traveling for work. It’s so nice to have a small break from the evening routine at home. Even the smallest solo moment feels like a luxury!

Liz: I used to think I was an extrovert (someone who loves parties, that sounds fabulous, right!?) but there’s nothing like motherhood to clarify who you really are… and I’m an introvert through and through. I desperately need my alone time to refuel and knowing - and accepting - this is game-changing. I’m a happier person during and after solo time and so, making it a priority, makes perfect, common sense. (Amelia: Yep. I couldn’t agree more. I’m nodding along to each sentence.)

I love solo bookstore visits and coffee shop stops more than anything; I’m a simple girl ha! But I also thrive on a solid chunk of time at home, alone, at my desk, organizing things so life is less daunting. But more than anything, reading is my solo time self-care MVP. It calms me, it brings me joy, it’s a huge part of who I am.

I’d like to try some mini excursions though as well, and I’m hoping to go visit Rockport by myself later this summer; I wasn't able to actually enjoy the shops when we went with all three boys a couple of weeks ago (ha!). A coastal town, seafood and ice cream, and nautical shops are calling my name :)

A few past newsletter issues you may have missed…

• Stock your beach (or pool!) bags perfectly with these ideas!

• And don’t forget the cutest towels around - read all about the founders of Weezie

• Meet the Dads that join us on our date nights :)

Rose:

Amelia - With this week’s heat wave, we’ve been doing a lot of grilling (and by we, I mean my husband) and eating tons of cold sides; think veggie-packed pasta salads and sweet stone fruit salads. It’s been nice to focus on seasonal produce and eat so colorfully. (Liz: Can you text me these recipes asap? They sound like summer dining perfection!)

I’ve also been getting outside for a walk each morning after camp drop off (before the heat really kicks in!). It’s helped keep me sane during a season where I’m trying to slow down and focus on recovery.

One last Rose, I had to share this in the spirit of connecting with our kids. The week my daughter turned nine, Erin Miller shared a Substack note about how, when her own daughter turned nine (her daughter just graduated high school!), she gave her a simple spiral-bound notebook with her name on the front and a note inside. It became a shared journal—a place to trade notes, ask questions, or share thoughts that felt hard to say out loud. That low-pressure, back-and-forth helped them stay close through the tween years.

So, I bought my daughter a turquoise spiral notebook for her birthday. I can’t even tell you how much it’s positively shifted our dynamic even in just the last 6 weeks. We’ve been trading lots of notes back and forth this week. She’s been feeling a mix of nerves and excitement leading up to her play, and the notebook has been a wonderful space to talk through it all.

Liz Venn commented on the Substack note: “This is such a beautiful way to open up a safe channel for connection. A journal life that becomes more than paper—it becomes a bridge between hearts, especially during those tricky growing-up years. What a powerful gift: a space to be heard, without judgement.”

That’s exactly how it’s felt - like a bridge between hearts. (Liz: I have chills and adore this so deeply. Bravo to you for being so intentional about connection and trying new methods. I now plan to do this when my son turns nine next spring as well.)

Liz - It was lovely to see extended family last weekend at a reunion. My middle son became instant bffs with my cousin’s son of the same age and watching them together was hilarious. Reconnecting with my cousins felt special and it’s just really crazy to remember being with them when you were little ones... and now some of us are married, having kids, turning 40, figuring out our careers and more. Time - and family - is wild.

Thorn:

Amelia - My concussion recovery has plateaued (which has been a real bummer…) but I’m starting PT this morning and feeling hopeful it’ll help me keep moving in the right direction.

Liz - While seeing family was lovely, the heat was not. The heat index was 106 at our destination and it was absolutely brutal. That, plus the utter lack of routine lately, lots of traveling, and tons of people visiting since early July have left our family incredibly drained.

Bud:

Amelia - My daughter has been loving the two week long theater camp she’s been attending this month, and this afternoon we finally get to see her in Matilda! It’s her first official, non-school play, and I’m absolutely bursting with excitement to watch her on stage. (Liz: Can NOT wait to hear how it goes!! EEEEEKKKK!!!)

Liz - My boys return to day camps next week, after three weeks of complete free-for-all’s and once again, Mama is really looking forward to that SOLO TIME and a much needed opportunity to get work and life to-do’s done.

I’ve also dove back into my books the past couple of evenings and currently reading Maine Characters, loving the adult-Parent Trap premise and day dreaming of Maine lakes nonstop.

** If you enjoyed this post, can you please HEART it (just click the heart icon below!) - it helps more people find our work!