Issue #7: How We Survive (And Thrive!) When Solo Parenting
Taking our convos from our texts to you…Plus stories from some amazing single moms
Ah, solo parenting, a topic both of us know all too well, and one that pops up often in our text exchanges. With both our spouses traveling for work, we’ve grown quite used to the rhythm it brings. Over time, we’ve noticed a pattern when a trip is on the horizon: first, the initial dread, then the shift to acceptance once our partner is gone, and finally, settling into the groove of managing it all on our own. It’s a familiar dance and we’ve finally each reached a stage where we feel, more often than not, very comfortable in this situation. We’re here to share our experiences with you, and hear from other incredible moms about their own parenting journeys.
We want to acknowledge the incredible strength of single mothers. Parenting solo, consistently day in and day out, is a different level of hard than what we encounter, and we see you. Your kids are so lucky to have you and you have our utmost respect.
Let’s dive in!
Prepping Before Takeoff
Amelia: When my husband travels, he leaves silly notes for the kids to read each morning before school. They love it! It’s a simple gesture, but it reminds them he’s thinking of them, even when he’s far from home.
He’ll often include a promise to bring back a small “treasure,” which gives them something fun to look forward to. (Liz: Oh yes, same here! Don’t ever underestimate the joy of a little airport treasure! Keychain! Sparkly pen! Sticker!)
Another one of the kids’ favorites: he’ll sometimes take one of their stuffed animals along on the trip and send back photos of the lovey on little adventures. It’s adorable and such a sweet way to stay connected while he’s gone.
Liz: Before my husband goes on any of this work trips, he does a major grocery store run. It is, by far, the most helpful thing he does before departure. Having a fully stocked kitchen and pantry does wonders for my meal planning stress and honestly, going grocery shopping with 1, 2, or 3 boys is pretty much the last thing I want to do when I’m solo (or anytime).
We also talk quite openly about Daddy needing to travel for work so the boys are aware of any trips on the horizon. They know that Daddy has to go but will return, and we go through the calendar together so they know how many days he’ll be gone. We always make a paper chain and look forward to ripping off a link every morning as we count down his return. (Amelia: We’ve done the paper chains too! I need to bring that idea back, it’s a great one!)
Finding Your Rhythm: Tips for Managing Daily Life
Amelia: It’s a simple tip, but one I’m always grateful for when we’re downstairs, bleary-eyed, trying to get the day started. I make sure everything is ready the night before: snacks packed, lunches made, water bottles filled, homework tucked into book bags, and clothes laid out. In the winter, this is major, having gloves, hats, snow suits, jackets, and boots ready to go can make all the difference.
We’re out the door by 7:15 am for a short walk to the bus. I give myself roughly 45 minutes to get everyone up, fed, dressed and out the door, so every minute counts. The less we have to do in the morning, the smoother (and less frazzled) the morning feels.
Another tip, I make it a priority to wake up before the kids, even if it’s just 15–20 minutes to listen to a podcast while I get ready. A few favorites: The Toast, Bad on Paper, or A Thing or Two. I’ve stopped listening to news podcasts first thing (for obvious reasons).
Liz: I completely agree with Amelia! It is the simple, little things that make the biggest difference. While I’m pretty big on being prepared even when my husband is home to help, when he’s away, my Type A tendencies are on full throttle!
I start EVERYTHING early: baths and showers, all meals, all school prep. It may sound simple - and even silly to do baths at 4pm - but when you’re the only adult able to do such tasks as bathing, cutting nails, making dinner, cleaning dishes, etc, you need extra time and I hate feeling rushed. I’m realizing more and more how easily my own anxiety from rushing rubs off on my kids, and it’s not good for any of us. (Amelia: It’s the same in our house. Calm mom = calm kids!)
Fun idea: I try to also get downstairs before the kiddos in the morning and I’ll often put on a chill Spotify playlist to set the stage, as much for them as for me.
Building Your Support System
Neither of us live near our parents, but we’re lucky to have in-laws close by and amazing friends and neighbors who feel like family.
Amelia: This is becoming a clear theme in this post, but it’s true: the little gestures mean everything! A friend checking in, a mom offering to give my child a ride to a birthday party, or planning a playdate because they know my husband will be away for the weekend. It makes a big difference.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t give a shoutout to our incredible babysitter (Hi, Bridget!). My kids adore her, and she always steps up when Mike is away.
Liz: It’s taken a lot of trial and error, but I’ve come to realize that the support I really need isn’t always what one thinks of when solo parenting. Per usual, it’s the little things that matter the most aka a neighbor calling me from the store to see what I need and then dropping off that gallon of milk.
There is a beauty and vulnerability in being able to ask and accept help, but it is only beneficial if it’s help that ACTUALLY supports you and your individual family’s needs. And for me, that’s mostly food related, a quick pick up at the grocery store, or a meal drop off is the absolute best.
There is such a thing as “too many cooks in the kitchen” and if help is going to add to the chaos instead of calm it, then no thanks.
(Amelia: I couldn’t agree more. Support looks different for everyone, and it has to actually feel helpful, not just become one more thing that adds stress.)
Caring For Ourselves
Amelia: When I’m solo parenting, I make a conscious effort to lighten my load by cutting out non-essential tasks and prioritizing what fuels me. I’ll carve out time to catch up with a friend after bus drop-off or make a meal I know I’ll enjoy for lunch the next day (bonus points if it’s something I can pack my kids for their lunch the next day too!). These things make a big difference in keeping my energy up and my stress down.
Liz: As the years have gone on, I’ve really learned - and leaned into - the importance of that cliche, yet true, concept of self-care, and even more so when I’m solo parenting. I clock out (as much as you can ha!) as soon as the boys are in bed.
This looks like lots of work pre-bedtime (dishes done, house tidied up, etc) but it’s so worth it to gain precious time to refuel myself each night via a great book or tv show. If I don’t, I know myself: I get cranky and resentful and that’s not the type of mother or person I want to be the next day.
Lessons & Unexpected Joys of Solo Parenting
Amelia: Breakfast for dinner is always a hit when my husband is traveling. The kids think it’s hilarious, and I love sneaking in some extra protein before bedtime (via these easy protein pancakes). It’s a win for everyone!
When Mike is traveling over the weekend, I like to have a few special surprises up my sleeve. Sometimes, I’ll kick things off with cinnamon rolls or pancakes with chocolate chips are always a hit.
Other times, I’ll declare a YES day: one child picks the day’s activity (guaranteed to be a trip to our local bookstore if my daughter’s in charge!), and the other chooses what’s for dinner. It keeps the weekend fun, gives them a sense of control, and makes solo parenting a little more joyful for all of us. (Liz: I LOVE all of these ideas so, so much!!)
Liz: Dare I say… I sometimes like solo parenting!? My husband is amazing and incredibly hands on, but whenever he travels, I try to make it a little burst of extra special “Mommy time” - maybe we go to a new bookstore, we order in a fun special food, we rent that movie. It doesn’t have to be a big deal but little treats make it sweeter for both me and my boys.
I also simplify life when I’m solo and that can just be really nice - and then when my husband returns, so do more activities and chaos and that’s a fun change too.
Re-Entry Reality
Amelia: As much as we’d love for everything to snap back to normal the moment our spouse returns (and for their homecoming to be nothing but warm hugs and happy reunions) we’ve both found that the re-entry period can be a bit of a rough landing for all. And that’s okay! We’re usually drained, and all adjusting after missing each other. It takes a minute to find our rhythm again, but we know we’ll all get back there.
After my husband returned from his most recent trip, I tried out a new idea at dinner. We each took turns sharing our three favorite moments from the weekend. It gave us a chance to hear highlights from his work trip to Austria and to share a few of our own. It was especially sweet to hear what the kids cherished most about our time together.
Liz: Agree here! The boys have been use to only listening to me, to our ways of doing something for almost two weeks so adding Daddy back in can often lead to protests (“No, Mommy do!”) and frustration (“That’s not what we’ve been doing!!”). It doesn’t last long and we’ve learned to roll with it but it’s good to be aware.
I have to add, that the phrase “distance makes the heart grow fonder” is incredibly true. After weeks of solo parenting, my appreciation for having an involved partner feels stronger than ever. Never a bad reminder to have. (Amelia: You hit the nail on the head with this one!)
Amelia’s husband travels frequently for work, but typically only for a few days to a week at a time. Liz’s husband travels less frequently, but usually for one to two weeks at a time. But both arrangements are always temporary. We wanted to give voice to other mothers who have a very different solo parenting experience and let them share their insight, their advice, to give more light to a very nuanced situation. Their stories add to the conversation in a much needed, much appreciated way.
I (Amelia) am so excited to introduce you to the lovely Emilie Cole, who my husband and I had the pleasure of working with when we bought our home in Maine. She’s an absolute gem. My only complaint is that we don’t live closer to each other!
She was so generous in sharing her reflections on solo parenting over the years:
They're right, you know, when they say it goes by fast. My son, William, 14, just registered for freshman year courses! And I can hear my daughter, Clara, 12, upstairs on a group video call with girlfriends in front of her vanity likely applying mascara or tweezing her brows. This part of motherhood - the transition to teen and tween years - is advancing at warp speed. I read Amelia and Liz's recountings of parenting younger children's highs and lows nodding along, even wistfully weeping (ok, that coffee date entry was full on ugly tears!).
Will and Clara's childhood has galloped by even more quickly because they are with me half of the time, and with their dad - whom I divorced in 2018 - the other. They were 6 and 4 years old when we first separated (it's ok to gasp, I still do, too. So little!) and while there were certainly sad chapters and a lot of loss to that part of our story, what stands out to me is the peace we found and a connectedness we shared then - and still do now.
I remember when I was married and their dad would travel for work. Our routine would get all out of whack initially (and I would most definitely feel overwhelmed!), but after a few days we'd find our flow and it almost felt disruptive when he returned.
As a single parent, we thrive together in that flow as a trio. My energy and my attention is focused on them when they are with me, and I stack work commitments during school hours or on the days they are with their dad. I prioritize meeting them off the bus after school, and never miss time together to go out with friends or travel for pleasure without them. They are my #1, and they know and feel that. Quality over quantity, my therapist always says.
We’re thrilled to also introduce you to Katelyn Whelan. Katelyn is the talented designer behind our beautiful newsletter design and graphics. She’s a true ray of sunshine, and we’ve been so lucky to have her as part of our team!
Katelyn opened up with such heart and honesty about her experience:
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. But when the time came, the circumstances were nothing like I imagined. I would be doing this on my own—but not alone.
With expectations out the window, I leaned into my faith, my family, and embraced the adventure ahead. When you don’t quite fit the mold, you get to carve your own path.
My biggest fear entering solo parenthood wasn’t “Can I do this?”—I knew I was capable. The deeper question was: “Am I enough?” I still remember my best friend’s answer, clear as day: “Never think that your love is not enough.” That pierced right through the doubt—and still does.
Solo parenting is physically, emotionally, and fiscally demanding. Your battery drains faster. But it also has the most unexpected gifts. I get to play both mom and dad. We’re getting muddy with monster trucks, baking cookies, and talking about crushes. We’re in every part of each other’s lives. Our bond runs deep and wide. But none of us can do this in a vacuum. A support system—whether it’s family, friends, or a co-parent—is essential. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to need backup.
I’ve learned that parenting can be more playful and less serious than we think it has to be. The more I try to multitask while parenting, the harder it gets. But when I pause, put the phone down, and fully show up—everything softens. That season when they want you to play with them? It’s shorter than we think. Be in it. Play tag. Build the Lego tower. Race the monster trucks. They don’t need everything—they just need you.
Practical tips from a solo mom: Being present is the greatest gift you can give. Put the phone down, make eye contact, and savor those small, everyday moments. Create anchors—like routines or rituals—but leave space for spontaneous fun. Lean into activities you both enjoy, and don’t be afraid to call in support before you’re running on empty. Simple things like a family dinner or a park playdate can make a big difference. Make time to recharge, and above all, remember: you are enough.
Motherhood never looks quite like we imagined—but our own version can be richer, deeper, and full of unexpected joy. Solo isn’t a shortcoming—it’s a superpower. Lean into it.
Sarah Michelle Sherman is a writer based in Albany, New York. Her work has appeared in Today, Parents, Insider, and other outlets. Through raw, honest storytelling, she aims to challenge the mental health stigma and spark deeper conversations about parenting, relationships, and the complexities of being human.
I (Liz) also have the immense honor of calling Sarah a dear friend of mine, having known each other for over 20 years, meeting way back during our freshman year of college.
Here is a snippet from her beautiful recent essay, published on Business Insider, titled The Sound of Silence: Adjusting to Co-Parenting in a Half-Empty Home
When Joey is with his dad, his things become both a source of comfort and a sharp reminder of his absence. I say the names of his monster trucks aloud as I tidy up — Boneshaker, Mega Wrex, Gravedigger, El Toro Loco, Tiger Shark — hearing Joey's voice in my mind, the way he announces each one with wild enthusiasm.
I pick up his Batman cape, crusted with who-knows-what, and toss it in the laundry so it’ll be clean when he comes back. I throw out hardened Play-Doh blobs, disassemble the Magna Tiles castle he built for me, fold his Paw Patrol underwear, make his bed. But these tasks — they aren’t chores. They're how I hold onto him when he’s not here.
The silence is difficult to deal with, but it’s getting easier...
The complete essay can be read here.
Rose:
Amelia - I’ve been focusing on the small glimmers from the week: picking up cheerful yellow tulips for our kitchen table, trying the new seasonal Iced Strawberry Shortcake Matcha (yum!) at Blank Street, and enjoying Mindy Kaling’s new show Running Point with my husband.
And one moment that truly made me laugh: my Kindergartner’s excitement about learning all about the “Great Barrel Wreath” at school.
Liz - I had a whole bouquet of little roses that really made me smile this past week - new jeans (I’m finally fully on board with the baggier/wide-leg trend; the comfort itself is life-changing), an amazing book I legit couldn’t put down, and lots of sweet discussions with my oldest son as we plan for his birthday activities next month :)
Thorn:
Amelia - I started this week feeling a bit off—my mind was all over the place. That tends to happen to me after a break from school; the return to routine often feels a little bumpy at first. I have so many things I want to dive back into that I don’t even know where to start. It quickly leads to me feeling overwhelmed! Ugh. Anyone else feel this way post school break?
Liz - My boys are Pokemon card obsessed, but some of the dynamics at our library’s Pokemon Club this week left me feeling… uneasy? Older kids taking advantage of little kids, not super kind words being exchanged if you didn’t have the “right cards”… my boys left feeling defeated and sad, and me feeling uncomfortable and frustrated… aka we’ll be taking a little break from this club for a bit. Time to host our own fun, silly, chill version at home.
Bud:
Amelia - I’m really looking forward to lunch later today with a newer friend. I try to prioritize a meal (or a walk, or an activity!) with a friend each week. Keeps me sane. And on Sunday, my husband and I finally have a long-overdue brunch date while our kids are at Sunday school.
Liz - We have my littlest’s spring concert today and I’m so excited. He’s come out of his shell so much this year at preschool and I can’t wait to see him perform (though if he actually sings, I’ll be quite surprised ha!). (Amelia: Can’t wait to see pics!)
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My husband is military so he’s obviously often away for months at a time. On his most recent trip we came up with a great idea which we all loved - Daddy Diary! Every evening just before bedtime he would send over an account of his day addressed to our daughter. Obviously a lot of what he actually did would have been incomprehensible to a 3 year old so he focused more on things like what he had for his meals, any wildlife he spotted or just bits and pieces he thought she would be interested in. Every evening I read it to her as part of her bedtime routine and she absolutely loved it…it definitely helped us all to feel close during the 3 month trip and we will be doing it again next time for sure!
This topic hit very close to home for me. After divorce, I was a single parent of three—for eight years before remarrying. Solo parenting is a huge challenge and you both are doing an amazing job. I love Mike’s silly note to the kids and taking a lovey on his business trips. For me, having the support of friends was paramount. As women, we need and treasure our dear friends.