Issue #4: The Battles I Bow Down To

Dear Dog Man: What have you done to me...

Written by Liz, edited by Amelia

If you had told me I’d one day be buying books about a half dog, half man creature who pees everywhere and sports a shirt that reads “I Love Farts”, my 25 year old self would not have believed you. In fact, I would have been, at least, mildly disgusted. 

Yet here I am, standing in our local bookstore, buying the latest adventure in Dav Pilkey’s infamous series. I know with 100% certainty that my boys will lose their minds when I present it to them that afternoon. 

If you’re not familiar with Dog Man (or Cat Kid or Captain Underpants, Pilkey’s other creations), they are characters in a series of graphic novels that little boys go bonkers for. Page after page is filled with poop jokes, ridiculous antics and overwhelming grossness. These books make grandparents gag. 

And they also get little boys to read. A lot. 

My two older boys, ages six and almost eight, read other books too: the Magic Tree House series, the Who Would Win books (Wasp vs Hornet!, Alligator vs Python!), and basically anything with dragons, but their true literary love is dear Dog Man. 

I had mixed thoughts when Dog Man first started to grace our bookshelves; I was thrilled to see their interest in reading skyrocket, but hesitant about the murky material. But as time has gone on, dare I admit, I’ve welcomed Dog Man into our home with open arms. Bring him on.

In fact, these days, I invite potty humor into our halls. Can my boys be incredibly disgusting and gross? Oh yes. Can they also laugh so hard and be so incredibly silly that I, too, start cracking up? Yup. And I think that a really great group giggle beats any reprimanding. 

I do try to instill some manners, I'm not a heathen for goodness sake. We lower the level of what’s allowed during dinnertime, and while teaching the art of nuance, to learn that there are places and situations where this isn’t OK (aka at your desk at school) may be harder than just flat out disallowing it, I think it’s worth it.

For the most part, potty words and extreme silliness aren’t a battle I fight. I have three boys and maybe I'm leaning into cliches too much, but I don’t think it’s even a battle worth fighting. And so, I allow them to read their Dog Man, to say really gross things to each other and around our house, all in the name of silly fun. I draw the line if it ever gets mean, but for the most part, bring on the poop jokes. Laugh till you cry because your brother just called you a booger-eating fart face as you reenact bodily functions (remember: I have three boys). 

As I’ve journeyed through motherhood, I’ve come to realize that, in fact, there are more battles that I’m willing and ready to bow down to, rather than fight. 

Some fabulous examples of my sons’ creative style choices ;)

I remember when I was pregnant with my first child, gazing upon all those beautiful images of babies and toddlers gracing my Instagram feed. I could already imagine the cute outfits I’d choose for my kiddos (obviously either all neutrals or perfectly coordinated primary colors). Fast forward a couple years, with a couple toddlers now in tow, and those images were a distant memory. As my boys began to assert their independence, like all two year olds, they wanted certain outfits, consisting of certain colors and patterns and repeat wearings. And I have gladly given in to those stylistic desires ever since. Paw Patrol shirt every other day? Sure. No jeans, only sweatpants? Yup. Two or three favorite ensembles over and over and over again? Let’s do it. In the grand scheme of things, clothing seems so minor. Am I losing “picture perfect photos” that blend seamlessly into any aesthetic? Maybe? But instead I see a colorful, happy array of photos of my boys looking like themselves, like real kids. 

Within reason of course. I did draw the line at shorts the other morning for my oldest. Wind chill was nine degrees. 

I bow down to barf jokes and nonstop sweatpants, to allowing video games and extra treats and making messes that we don’t clean up every night. I bow down to shaggy hair and pajamas worn all day and bedrooms decorated however they want, including but not limited to, random things taped up all over the walls.

What is the underlying unifying reason why I surrender more often than fight? Because at the end of the day, I truly don’t think these little things - yes, they are little things - matter. I’d rather build up my resolve, have my battle weapons ready for what really does matter. While there are some issues now that are important that I refuse to surrender to (kindness, respect and washing our hands) as they get older, I think those matters will become more evident and prominent - the impact of peer pressure, their physical and mental wellbeing and health, their safety. I’ll fight like a mother bear when it comes to those influences and when I consider those enemies, well, then you can wear whatever colored pants and sneakers you want my dear boy. 

I hope to continue to be as relaxed as I am about the little things as I am today, as my boys get older. My oldest son recently asked me about getting his ears pierced after seeing a (female) friend get her ears pierced this past weekend and he was curious. My initial reaction was to tell him he could do that as well when he’s a teenager. It was an off the cuff response, not much thought into it in all honesty, but the more I think about it, I’m OK with my response. A lot could change between now and then and there’s a decent chance the curiosity and interest won’t be there then. But if it should remain, I’ll be saving my fights for something more important than just a little gem sparkling from his ear.

(Amelia : Liz, your essay made me smile (and laugh at times!). It got me thinking about the battles I bow down to: screen time when I’m solo parenting, clothing choices, and messes. I’ve come to accept that homemade forts will continue to take over our home for years to come. Someday, I know I’ll miss them.)

We’re curious, what battles do you choose to surrender to? We’d love to hear in the comments!

I (Amelia) remember the first time I came across a

Mary Catherine Starr

(aka Mom Life Comics) comic years ago on A Cup of Jo. It resonated with me deeply and I immediately sent it to my husband. Her work has that effect. Moms around the world see themselves in her comics, each one a glimpse into the mental load of motherhood and the (annoying) double standards of parenting.

I was thrilled to learn her book Mama Needs a Minute comes out next Tuesday (3/11). I can’t wait for my copy to arrive in the mail!

Rose:

Amelia - This week, I have a small bouquet of roses to share… Monday was my husband’s birthday! We celebrated with dinner at his favorite Mexican restaurant, ending the night with ice cream cake. He’s an easy person to celebrate. Sprinkled throughout the week were long overdue friend catch ups (plus an energizing work lunch with Liz!) that left me feeling so warm inside. The week wrapped up with my kids’ adorable spring concerts. There’s something so joyful about elementary school kids, “dressed in their best,” passionately singing Raffi’s Down by the Bay. (Liz: Amelia, bring on the spring gatherings and in-person fun! We both obviously needed it!)

Liz - A burst of IRL get togethers this past week has me riding a high! With spring teasing us last Saturday, my boys played outside for hours with neighborhood kids while we adults caught up and soaked in some sunshine. My book club gathered on Tuesday night and discussed all sorts of topics with lots of cozy tea and treats, and on Wednesday, Amelia and I had lunch and brainstormed the next several months of this newsletter. ;)

Thorn:

Amelia - A seemingly small thorn, but whether it was the shorter week (with the happy distraction of milder weather!) or the mental load of packing us all up for Spring Break, my productivity was low, which is not ideal with a two week school vacation ahead.

Liz - A bigger discussion for another day, but the state of our country and our world feels like a thorn too big to even fathom. Right now, a lot of my mental space is consumed by figuring out how to navigate information overload while still functioning.

Bud:

Amelia - We’re gearing up to head out of town for my kids’ Spring Break. Woohoo! I’m excited for a change of scenery and some uninterrupted family time. I can’t wait to share more about our adventures in upcoming posts!

Liz - Ever since I received a couple of new cookbooks for Christmas, we’ve been trying 1-2 new recipes each week. It takes a lot of effort, but I’m really excited to keep it going into the spring with more fresh produce, etc. I also recently discovered

Jenny Rosenstrach

via Platonic Love, and her Substack,

Dinner: A Love Story

, is excuse my play on words, a true chef’s kiss. (Amelia: She’s a new follow for me too. I can’t wait to dive into her Substack!)

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